mark this as the first entry with this notorious title. the events that took place this week honestly made my summer.
i spent time with a best friend of mine who i hadnt seen in a looooooooong time. Im not sure what i would do if he suddenly wasnt in my life anymore. For two days we turned our phones off; ignoring friends, family and significant others, sat on my couch and ate chinese all day and all night. Hanging out with Salim made me realize a few things:
REALIZATIION #1: that i am a whore. Not a whore in the sense that i have sex with alot of guys, but a whore in that i am always wanting someone more. I am addicted to attention from guys. People know me for having multiple "boos" as I call them, which is an ugly, ugly thing.
I need to get my love life together. With that said i have gotten rid of all of my "boos." Im tired of keeping up with all these guys and im tired of talking to my friends about the drama i have created because of them. Looking back on all the conversations i have had with friends about guys i was invloved with makes me feel like a complete slut and an idiot.
So it stops here. And whats really sad about this is the fact that i might not have much to say now..lol smh.
REALIZATION #2: i need to be involved with guys who are on my level. Holding on to something or someone you have outgrown isnt a good thing. My friends that are in relationships are happy, and i think its because their boyfriends are really on their level. Although the one i am in a relationship with is a great guy, he is not the great guy for me. Having a boyfriend that doesnt give you what you need (thats what she said) isnt fun.
Im pretty sure that's why i have had so many "boos" these past few months. I have been talking to all these boys because the one guy who is supposed to complement me doesnt; and all the other guys i find only fill a part of me. I have been looking for someone who trully made me happy; someone that made me feel wonderful... I convinced myself that the person i was with made me better.
All this time i have been fooling myself.
Knowing that you have not reached your full potential hurts.
Its funny how having a good conversation on a tuesday night at 2 in the morning can cause epiphanies.
<3
Aww, he must be a very good best friend.
ReplyDeleteWe already talked about this, but yeah... Do what you got to do girl. Waiting will only make it worse. And you are not a whore. Everyone likes attention...dont try to find a guy, it just has to happen, someone who opens your mind...
ReplyDeleteyeah kristen he is the best.
ReplyDeleteand thanks nida. you're right.
<3
Totally agree with Nida. You are not a whore. You just enjoy the attention you can't get from one guy which is perfectly fine. The only reason some people may look down on that is because they think you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. I say, fulfill your needs in any way you feel the need to as long as they're safe and healthy for you. And I know you know the difference.
ReplyDeletethanks ket.
ReplyDeleteidk..i still feel bad about it though..
<3