mark this as the first entry with this notorious title. the events that took place this week honestly made my summer.
i spent time with a best friend of mine who i hadnt seen in a looooooooong time. Im not sure what i would do if he suddenly wasnt in my life anymore. For two days we turned our phones off; ignoring friends, family and significant others, sat on my couch and ate chinese all day and all night. Hanging out with Salim made me realize a few things:
REALIZATIION #1: that i am a whore. Not a whore in the sense that i have sex with alot of guys, but a whore in that i am always wanting someone more. I am addicted to attention from guys. People know me for having multiple "boos" as I call them, which is an ugly, ugly thing.
I need to get my love life together. With that said i have gotten rid of all of my "boos." Im tired of keeping up with all these guys and im tired of talking to my friends about the drama i have created because of them. Looking back on all the conversations i have had with friends about guys i was invloved with makes me feel like a complete slut and an idiot.
So it stops here. And whats really sad about this is the fact that i might not have much to say now..lol smh.
REALIZATION #2: i need to be involved with guys who are on my level. Holding on to something or someone you have outgrown isnt a good thing. My friends that are in relationships are happy, and i think its because their boyfriends are really on their level. Although the one i am in a relationship with is a great guy, he is not the great guy for me. Having a boyfriend that doesnt give you what you need (thats what she said) isnt fun.
Im pretty sure that's why i have had so many "boos" these past few months. I have been talking to all these boys because the one guy who is supposed to complement me doesnt; and all the other guys i find only fill a part of me. I have been looking for someone who trully made me happy; someone that made me feel wonderful... I convinced myself that the person i was with made me better.
All this time i have been fooling myself.
Knowing that you have not reached your full potential hurts.
Its funny how having a good conversation on a tuesday night at 2 in the morning can cause epiphanies.
<3
